A Twitter Binge

Recently we went on an alcohol and drug binge and took to Twitter in our highly-intoxicated state.  Guess someone was feeling awfully social; we followed something like 200 people that night!  Then passed out and forgot about it.   The next morning when we logged into Twitter, our timeline was totally unrecognizable.  Strange icons filled our screen…names we didn’t recognize… We couldn’t find any of our usual Tweeps.  It was quite upsetting to us. Still is.

Also upsetting us is this thought:  many of these people followed us back.  All these new followers we suddenly have, well they all followed us because when we’re fucked up, some of us are funny. So all these people followed an inebriated smart-ass.  What the hell are they going to think whenever we start Tweeting sober??  We tweet our real life.  Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes it’s sad. Sometimes it’s hard to believe. Sometimes it’s just downright pathetic.  This–all of this–is who we are.  We are sweet and bitchy and smart and stupid and serious and silly and poetic and depressing and angry and sarcastic and bitter and a million billion other things, all rolled into “one” chick.  This chick.  I imagine that we will quickly lose all these new followers; hope it doesn’t hurt our feelings. Sounds silly but it’s likely to happen I’m afraid.

twitter-bird-blue-on-whiteA valuable lesson has been learned from this experience. We are a very small Twitter account, and that’s the way we like it.  The big Twitter accounts with thousands of followers make us very uncomfortable. They seem so obsessed with follower counts and stars and trophies… we just don’t relate.  We follow Tweeps with whom we have something in common or share views with, and it has nothing to do with how large their account is. Small accounts are preferred, actually.  We’d rather follow people whom we can get to know, interact with, become familiar with;  large accounts seem to recognize only other large accounts. It’s a shame really. Some of the best tweets we’ve read have come from what we’d call “underfollowed” accounts. But that’s not the point of this post.

We discovered-to our chagrin-that Twitter is much more influential and important to us than we had initially thought.  When we are unable to find the familiar Tweeps, the ones whose avi’s we are used to seeing in our timeline, well we get nervous.  We feel as though we’re at a party where we don’t know anybody.  It not only stirs up our Social Anxiety Disorder, but also causes us great distress in the sort of way high school was stressful.  Everyone seems to be a part of a clique…. the popular people all hang out together and make fun of the less popular people.  That’s the impression we get from the large Twitter accounts. It’s as though they’re all competing to be the best, the biggest.  It gets us so worked up when we see large accounts attacking other Twitter accounts.  It frightens us. What if, for some reason, they were to attack us? We would be so traumatized!  We’re so paranoid already; can’t imagine what it’d be like to get a mean @ tweet.  *shudders*

All of these things culminated into a panic attack the other day, and so we made an important decision.  We began to go through our following list and unfollow anyone who seemed preoccupied with numbers or whose bio listed just their Favstar link.  If you don’t know about Favstar, good for you.  We refuse to participate in such competitive activities.  We tweet for us, not for others.  I guess that’s what makes us different from those large Twitter accounts.  We’re not trying to impress anyone or win any imaginary trophies for being clever.  We tweet to laugh at ourselves. We tweet to remain grounded.  To hold on to a shred of reality.  To remind ourselves what is happening in our life.  We tweet to ourselves, often literally. So to all those large accounts whom we followed while under the influence of alcohol and drugs, thank you for making us laugh, and please don’t take it personally (or attack us!) when we unfollow you.  We just can’t handle any more drama in our life.  Any Tweep who displays aggressive, rude, or hateful behavior will be blocked.  If you tweet only about how many new followers you have or how many stars you’ve received, then you will be unfollowed.  We’re not trying to start trouble; we’re trying to avoid it.

Now we’re going to start a massive unfollow project.  Thinking we might block a bunch of people too. Just because they are cruel.  We’re not trying to start a war, we’re trying to prevent a meltdown on our part.  Too much Twitter drama causes panic attacks in our world. We have enough of those already.