A Sudden Meltdown

2 days ago we had a MELTDOWN

Out of the blue

Now we’re afraid. Afraid to call our shrink, lest she admit us to the psych ward. We’re afraid to talk to our family. We’re afraid to talk to our friends. We are just afraid of it all at this point. Life.

Life. Is. Scary.

The meltdown happened right in front of our husband. Right before our eyes. We watched from outside our body. We listened from outside our body.  It was not us who had this freakout; seems like it was a child…

Husband came home from work that day and we were just talking and out of nowhere this little girl appeared and began to cry.  She started sobbing hysterically as husband and K watched in bewilderment. She cried that she missed her daddy and that he had always rescued her in the past. She cried because her daddy couldn’t help her anymore.  Daddy is dead.

Daddy is dead.

Not sure K has ever gotten over that.  We didn’t realize how much it bothered some of us until this emotional display. Seems someone (probably Kellie Ann?) is still grieving.

Husband says that we told him we wanted to die.  He said we begged him to kill us.  We screamed, “Just shoot us in the fucking head!” and collapsed onto the bed in a crumpled mess of tears and mucus and blood from where we’d scratched ourselves.  This is the first time that I can remember us voicing suicidal thoughts since our last severe breakdown, which occurred after our father died, years ago.

This wasn’t the first time we’d had suicidal thoughts; it was just the first time we’d spoken of them aloud to anyone other than our shrink.

That can’t be good.