Switching Things Up

Not sure I can write. I don’t think that’s our job. But I’m trying to come back to my body and our shrink says writing helps, so here goes.  A switch was triggered last night.  Actually, it happened several times, sometimes for just a moment, sometimes for longer.  Now having trouble getting my head back where it should be. Can feel and hear and see K but yet we are not attached to her. We are outside. Looking at ourselves….

Not sure what triggered the switching, but it had something to do with the feelings that hung in the air last night.  Husband was in a foul mood and the negativity really affected us. We absorbed it and tried to process it but instead of working it out within ourselves, we left our mind and went outside of K and became someone else. This wouldn’t be so bad if not for the chick who was here with me. We are new friends and it was the first time we hung out alone for more than a short while. It did not go well. She caught K talking to herself repeatedly. Plus, the cherry on the cake of our embarrassment, she got on our computer to play some music and our Facebook page was open. Our “secret” Facebook page. She asked, “What…Is this not you?” and I tried to play it off and close the page and I couldn’t get it to close and I don’t know how much she saw or read but it’s fucking with our head today when we think about it. So she has been exposed to our crazy.  And it could be our imagination but it seemed that she changed after that. Maybe it was us who changed. We just can’t be sure. All I know is that K had to go away for awhile and the rest of us are driving the car until she gets back.  Wonder if our friend is still our friend. I think she had a terrible time last night. I couldn’t do anything right. I am worried we dominated the conversation. Or talked some shit. Or gave her reason to dislike us. Shit. Just can’t remember. Lost time around midnight I think…don’t know what or where or when it is now. Just typing all this out in an effort to try and force K back into her proper place inside our head. If only there were some button I could simply push.

Advertisements