I had a bad day Friday…I’m pretty sure it all started when I forgot to take my meds. Apparently this new medicine I’m on really affects me if I miss a dose. I’ll not be doing that again anytime soon. I’ve been in a dissociated state on and off all weekend. Today is Sunday, and this is what I found when I opened my journal. I don’t know if it means anything or not, but the handwriting used in this entry was an unusually tiny print.
(Friday’s Journal Entry:)
Feeling regret. Sadness. Loss. Thinking about the past. Musicians. (sigh)
Mind on fire. Head filled with music. Brad. His name was Brad. Flower. That painting is a trigger…Torn. Regrets? Guilt. Hurts my heart. The past.
Mind on fire. Mind on fire. Mind on fire. Mind on fire. Mind on fire. Mind on fire. Mind on fire. Meltdown coming. NOW.
Mind on fire. Mind on fire. Head exploding. Mind on fire. (Husband)’s upset. My fault. Bad K.
I had an “episode” sometime either during or after this journal entry was written. It was so bad that Husband was concerned for my safety and called and cancelled his work appointment for that evening. I remember being wrapped in a blanket, sitting on my knees on the bed, and rocking. I kept singing some song but Husband never could understand what words I was repeating. I have no idea how long all of this went on. Husband and I have not discussed the incident. I’d rather not.
There is no journal entry for Saturday.