Written By A Bitch

People came over.  I didn’t want people coming over. I wanted them to go away.   I was having a shit day and didn’t feel like talking to anyone, much less being friendly.  And so I wasn’t.  I was rude, in fact.  I didn’t give a shit.  Hell, I didn’t even try to get dressed-I let them see me in my pajamas.  I did put on a robe though.  Only because we weren’t wearing a bra and K is terribly self-conscious about such matters.  Other than that, I made no effort to make myself presentable.  And I didn’t try to hide my irritation at having company.  So it happened that we were all sitting outside on the porch, as she and he were smoking and I was sneaking drags off their cigs because K doesn’t smoke but I wanted to.  So then I was sitting in the swing, next to her, and before I realized what was happening I heard myself talking very harshly to her.  And I was listening to my body talking but K wasn’t in control of the words. And the words were cold and cruel.  I actually said to her that she “liked to drink and fuck too much to be married” and then I said to him that if he ended up with a serious girlfriend less than a year after his divorce I’d punch him in the face.

(I found this unfinished blog post, and based upon my journal entries, I know that this was written Tuesday night.  It is now Friday morning.  I have no idea whether or not I’ve spoken to the friends mentioned in this post since that night.  I wonder if either of them is mad at us…)