Nothingness

Too much.  There’s too much in my head. Can’t think clearly. Can’t process emotions. Ha. What emotions? I feel hollow today. Can’t decide how I feel or think… just empty. Everything’s chaotic yet nothing is happening. Lost a lot of time and can’t find any hints as to what I was doing or where I was at or anything at all. Scared now. What if I did something bad? One of the K’s is mean; what if she hurt someone’s feelings? Or what if something embarrassing happened? I could be the laughing stock of the town right now-how would I know? Deep breaths. Feeling worried now. I think. Hell, I don’t know how we feel! A hundred different emotions all running around inside me, but yet I actually feel none of them.  That doesn’t even make sense!  For the love of all that is holy, K, just pick a mood and go with it! I need help. Someone tell me how to feel today cause I just don’t know. Time is flying by but I’m sitting still. Brain just won’t function properly. Did I miss some meds?  What the hell is going on here? Normally when I have an “episode”, we write. I blog. I journal. I tweet and text and make lists. Pretty much all the K’s either write or draw pictures. But this time, nothing. No clues left behind for K to find. So I’m totally lost. Don’t have any ideas what happened between yesterday afternoon and today. Fuck. I can’t even write. None of this makes sense. What a waste of energy. I am no one. We are nothing. I’m pretty sure we don’t exist today.

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