"Watching" TV With My Mind
My fingers hesitate, then decide to pick up our steaming mug of deliciousness instead of typing just yet. In our mug, which is extra-large and has a picture of the Seattle skyline all around it (K used to live there), we are drinking a modified version of a Peppermint Patty, which is hot cocoa and peppermint schnapps (Our sister taught us to make these when we visited her in Utah one Winter) and I mixed mine with coffee. It’s a cold night, only about 30 degrees outside, and so this warm adult beverage is ideal and we are enjoying it very much. We sit all alone, (HAHA everybody laughs inside my head) just us and the laptop, unless of course, you count the TV, which K almost always has turned on; she likes the sound of something else besides what’s in her head. She doesn’t actually watch TV much, at least I don’t, although some of the K’s do enjoy certain programs, and so we have a DVR and we record these shows and watch them when we’re feeling up to the challenge. It’s impossible for us to remember what night and what time a particular show comes on, many times we can’t even recall the name of the show, and so we try to program the DVR as soon as a commercial airs, telling us about something we’d like to see. I know that even if I could remember when something came on, I’d never know when that day/time is, so I’m still hard pressed to watch any particular television program. It’s a challenge because one of two things happens when we watch TV: either we find it utterly impossible to concentrate on whatever it is we’re trying to watch, and keep getting distracted by voices behind me or a man walking down the hall (a man who’s not really there of course); or else we get so wrapped up in the story, so totally absorbed, that we are no longer aware of the people around us, or of what’s happening in the Real World. These two extremes are all we know or have known for many years now. Because I’m not particularly fond of losing myself in the TV (unless K’s been smoking pot), I usually just pretend to watch it. I will look out the window or at the wall behind the television set, or I’ll just let the images on the screen float past my field of vision (I can see without looking) without focusing on any of the images.
What kinds of TV shows do we watch? Well, the answer to that question would depend upon who is answering, as each of us seems to have her own favorite type of programming. The Kellie likes artsy films and dark comedies. The Little Girl loves cartoons and silly comedies, and any of the Disney/Pixar movies. K loves true crime and horror and documentaries about serial killers, and she has always been drawn to the creepy, the spooky, the scary. Mom worries that these sorts of movies will give us nightmares, but what she doesn’t realize is that the nightmares are there regardless of what I see or hear in “real time”. We’ve had nightmares since we were a little girl, for as long as any of us can remember. Usually, I’m running from someone who’s trying to kill me or hurt me in some way. These dreams are often violent and K will wake up in a cold sweat, her heart pounding in her chest, and she’ll have to take a sedative to get rid of any panic attacks. Thankfully, these nightmares don’t come every night. One of the K’s, the witchy one, she likes to write down her dreams and analyze them, but we’ve misplaced that book and after scribbling dream fragments down and trying to keep up with them for awhile, it all got to be too complicated and so we stopped; there were more lists than K could handle and things got out of control. I can’t remember when that happened…
Also, note here that K talks in her sleep…I’m not sure if that’s important to the story or not, I just thought I’d mention it. It’s interesting (and humorous to me) that she usually talks about sex, drugs, or food. We know these things because of what people have told us over the years, and also what’s been recorded. Some of K’s friends thought it would be funny to record her and ask her questions in her sleep, questions which she would often answer, and the thing is, she will not lie when she’s asleep, for this is her subconscious talking. Anyway, the friends put a voice-activated recording device next to K’s bed after she’d fallen asleep, and then asked her a bunch of personal questions. They anxiously awaited the next morning, when they got a good laugh at K’s embarrassment as they played the tape back and most all the questions were about sex or which guy K had a crush on. K gets embarrassed easily, although she tries to pretend she doesn’t. The Good Daughter gets embarrassed the same as any average person, that is to say sometimes but certainly not all the time. The Kellie doesn’t seem to get embarrassed at all.
Damn! I’ve just noticed the time, and I’m irritated that the whole night has slipped past me, again, and I’ve not yet had any sleep. I had intended to write a blog post about one of my old friends and an email he sent Husband, wherein he tries to explain to him what it means when K switches and how to handle the situation, Apparently I got off track, because now all I can find is this nonsense about TV shows and sex jokes. (sigh)