When Do People Sleep Around Here?

It’s far too early for me to be awake.  Then again, I’ve not yet been to sleep, not that I can recall, for the past night, maybe two, (maybe more) and as I’m looking at the clock and out the window, I’m seeing that the sun is up and the clock reads 7:42. WAIT- Now the clock says 10:10! How did we lose so much time already?? It’s going too fast dammit, this “time” business! Therefore it’s tomorrow already, now how did that happen?  It seems to keep happening to us lately, a great deal.  I feel as though I’ve been suffering from insomnia for some time now, at least a week or more I’d venture to guess, but it’s impossible to say as I don’t keep a sleep diary.  Maybe that’s a good idea-a sleep diary-a diary to tell me when I’ve allowed my body to sleep and for how long and little details like that.  It might actually help us to take better care of ourselves, and therefore lead to a life filled with less sickness and more healthy days.  K gets sick easily and always has I guess, it’s hard to remember now… K’s always had a weakened immune system because of her poor eating habits, e.g. she does NOT eat fruits or vegetables and she very often forgets to eat at all.  So it should come as no surprise then, that she got sick, dangerously sick, in May of 2010.  This was her most dangerous illness ever, the one that nearly killed her.  It was her own fault really, if she’d only taken better care of herself and paid attention to what was happening to her body and to how she felt then perhaps she’d have gone to a doctor sooner.  Perhaps she would’ve ended up with only some bronchitis or mild pneumonia or something much, much less serious than what she ended up with in the hospital.

Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS), also known as respiratory distress syndrome (RDS) or adult respiratory distress syndrome is a serious reaction to various forms of injuries to the lung.

ARDS is a severe lung disease characterized by inflammation of the lung parenchyma leading to impaired gas exchange with concomitant systemic release of inflammatory mediators causing inflammation,  hypoxemia,   and frequently resulting in multiple organ failure.  This condition is often fatal, usually requiring mechanical ventilation and admission to an intensive care unit.
Kellie, herself, was in Intensive care for what seemed a very long time but which we know now was only a week, plus then an additional week in a regular private room, NOT on the Critical Care Unit but just “normal” like a regular, sick person would be.  Sigh.  I wonder how many times we’ve typed words to this effect?  Have I  been spouting off bits of information like this all damn night and morning?!?  God this is so fucking exhausting, I really and truly cannot express that enough.  IT’S EXHAUSTING TO BE “NORMAL”; wish I could let go and just “BE” but I’m not sure that this K, this current K, Switch Kellie, can relax enough to be any other way.  I mean, we are somewhat uptight, (not really, we just seem that way because of the serious nature in which we often speak) we are nervous about coming out to play, I guess you could say.  WE ARE AFRAID!!!! At least, some of us are, I think perhaps THIS K is not nearly so afraid as the others.  I’m not afraid.  Not usually, although I certainly do have that paranoia thing happening for me.  Not sure if that stems from Schizophrenia or what.  (At least one of the K’s is schizophrenic; that’s one of the things that’s making all of this so damn difficult!)  We keep getting misdiagnosed because different K’s show up for different doctor’s appointments, and none of them have ever “compared notes” shall we say.   Should we publish these findings as a blog post, or simply keep all this information to “ourselves”?  This is utterly over-the-top exhausting, for all of us involved and certainly for K, whom I fear hasn’t slept in days, we really can’t be sure.  Hopefully Husband is seeing to it that we get at least SOME rest and food and the like.  This always seems to happen to us around Christmas time, is that important?  Yes, I think that IS important-Good job at finding that out for us. K has suffered from the holiday blues for many, many years now, every year, every holiday season, without fail, for reasons unknown to her but which seem vaguely to feel like…homesickness.  Even when she’s at home.  That makes no sense, no sense at all.  This is madness I tell you, absolute madness.  If only I were able to efficiently organize all my notes, all my papers, all my lists; perhaps then we’d be able to step back and look at the situation from a different point of view (as if we need any more points of view!) and form some sort of opinion about K’s current state of mental health. Sigh.  This is really and truly becoming a nightmare for me, for us, for K.  There’s just an overwhelming amount of work to be done, work which feels so utterly important, and I believe that it IS important, at least as far as K’s recovery is concerned.  K’s recovery is the reason we’re all here now.  We want K to get better.  We want K to have a chance at a somewhat “normal” life, although not entirely normal, for to be normal is to be boring, no offense of course to anyone reading this who may be considered by society to be “normal”.  Oh what I wouldn’t give for another 6 hours of extra time today, whenever today is! Time to work, to write, to get this shit out of my head, and perhaps even to sleep.